After realizing that a lot of communication over messages and emails wasn’t a good way to tell if there was chemistry through my date with SDS, I implemented a phone rule, where I had to talk on the phone with a potential date before actually meeting up.
At the same time, I signed up for one of the sketchier dating sites – Plenty of Fish. This one is an iPhone app which basically gives you access to text everyone on the site through the app. The sketchy messages I was getting should have been an indication of the caliber of individuals on POF, but I wasn’t ready to accept it at the time.
One of the less sketchy messages I got was from Drive by Date Guy. He opened the conversation with a simple “Hey, how are you?” and looked cute and tall so I responded. After chatting away on the app, I decided to tell him about my rule and we set up a phone conversation for that night.
At first, the conversation was fine. He was articulate, it was easy to talk to him, and I could already tell there was more chemistry than with SDS. But then, things got weird. One of my profile pictures at the time was me in a running visor at my desk, about to run home from work. He asked me if I’d ever worn heels with that visor – umm, no. What? Then he asked me what I did for a living, and when I mentioned working in a private school organization, he said, “Oooh, like Catholic school girls in heels?” Yikes.
As if that wasn’t enough, I went on to tell him I was going to Philly that weekend, and he said, “I hate Philly. The girls there suck and the guys chase you down the street.” I said, “It sounds like you’re the common thread in that situation, DBDG. What happened?” He then went on to tell me a story about how he got in a traffic altercation with a black guy, and proceeded to call the guy a racial slur – I’ll let you venture to guess which one.
After picking my jaw up from the floor (Who thinks that’s acceptable to say in the first place? AND, if you do, who on earth would ever tell someone you said that!?!), DBDG asked me if I would be interested in a Drive by Date. What’s that, you ask? I didn’t know either. Apparently it’s where you pick a place to meet, and you literally drive up and look at your potential date, and then decide if you want to go on an actual date after that. “Wow, DBDG, you sound shallow.” “I wasn’t saying I wanted to do it!” (Yes, yes you did.)
I quickly ended the conversation after that, relieved to be off the phone and unsure about this new rule I had implemented. I shook it off and went out to my planned birthday party that evening.
The next morning, I got a call from DBDG that I didn’t answer. He left a voicemail saying, “Hey, it’s DBDG. I was wondering if you still wanted to hang out tonight? I’m heading into the office – you can call or text me back. Talk to you later!” Umm? Still wanted to hang out tonight? I can guarantee you I never gave any indication that I wanted to actually meet up in person, and certainly hadn’t set a day to do it.
So, I texted him back. The conversation went exactly as follows:
- Me: Hey DBDG. It was nice talking to you last night but I’m not interested in going on a date. Good luck to you!
- Him: Really? Why? Did I say something?
- Me: There were just some red flags and I don’t want to waste anyone’s time, yours or mine. Your racial slurs, all the high heel comments, your ‘drive by’ dates. I’m just not interested. I’m sure you’ll find someone who is though. Good luck!
- Him: Wow I am shocked. I thought we had some chemistry. I was looking forward to hanging out with you.
- Him: I think you are lettin your head get in your wya, then again maybe I am not your type, I don’t believe that is what it is though
- Him: You should think about it
- Him: Or at least tell me what these red flags are
- Me: I just told you. Your drive by dates, the high heel obsession, and you seem like a racist. Those things are not my type. I’ve dated a lot and know to go with my gut.
- Him: I only did one drive by and it was like 10 years ago!
- Him: And yeah I have a heel fetish sue me, I am a tall guy
- Him: The racisist thing is maybe a legitamate concern based on how I said what I said but think of it more as a tosh.o racisim lol
- Him: You should give people a chance
-10 points for grammar and spelling, to boot.
Since the phone rule did keep me away from meeting this psycho, I probably should have kept it implemented for longer.